Sometimes the world just goes sort of quiet, faint, dim.
And I find myself just numb to it all.
I don’t know how to react to the unknowns, to the uncertainties, to the discouragements, to the rejections.
And sometimes I’m not sure I really care.
Because wouldn’t it be just plain easier to hide for a little while? To escape to the shadows of solitude and aloneness for hours at a time or to linger under the covers just a little longer each morning?
But if I’m learning anything from studying the life of Jonah with one of my Bible Study groups for the past several weeks, it’s that hiding, while technically possible by human standards, is not only a poor solution to the heartbreak of our humanness, it’s not at all possible with God.
Discouragement isn’t easy. Closed doors are downright hard. And the unknowns can threaten to suffocate.
But recognizing God’s protection and sovereign plan through it all somehow eases the pain, the tightness, the feelings that threaten to tell you you are somehow less-than.
So I stop talking and start listening.
And in the listening, I am reminded that God is in absolute control. Yes, He’s the sovereign God of this world from beginning to end, and I am only one small part of that, but He also loves me and cares for me and orchestrates all the tiny details of my life.
While this life may not be anywhere near what I would have thought or planned for myself, no part of this life surprises Him. And He won’t lose me. Ever. I’m not even responsible for keeping myself in His hand – He’s the good shepherd who holds onto me there and promises not to let go.
So I take a breath – I literally breathe Him in – then I put my head down and I do the work in front me. I take the next small step. I do the next small thing.
Until I don’t have to force it so much.
Until I no longer have to remind myself to breathe him in slowly and deeply.
Until I’m not so overwhelmed by it all.
And there’s a lesson in this somewhere that the stressed and exhausted part of me misses and glosses over and forgets far too often.
This journey of rest the Lord has me on this year is no mistake.
Every time I need a quiet moment. To just be. He gently reminds me once again that the rest that my body and mind and soul need and crave is only found in Him.
Sometimes this life breaks my heart. That’s just the reality of this broken and fallen humanity. And more often than not, from my limited perspective, this life makes absolutely no sense.
But I’m trusting these days to Christ’s sovereign and eternal hands.
And in that trusting, I’m learning what it is to abide, to just be with Him, to share in Him.
And I’m unspeakably grateful for every closed door that speaks of His protection and His plan.
So I go forth, I press on, with confidence in His will and His word.
This battle has already been waged and won. The victory has already been secured. Salvation belongs to the Lord.
I am His and He is mine.