Monthly Archives: November 2011

Happy Thanksgiving!

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I’m thankful for family…who chooses to love me even when I am quite unlovable.

I’m thankful for God’s Word…so. deeply. thankful.

I’m thankful for changed sheets, a freshened kitchen, a clean bathroom, and an organized closet…all in preparation for travel to spend a few days with extended family (though we’ll miss the brother!).

I’m thankful for the shadowy and unclear moments in life…that force me to run back into the light of a loving and faithful Savior who gave all.

I’m thankful for good friends…the kind who you can email in the middle of the day when your soul aches for no reason at all, the kind who you can text a few times and it seems like they’re right there with you, the kind who you can travel to fun places with, and the kind who will accompany you to Sonic at 10pm just because.

And I’m thankful for the third batch of these cookies in the oven right now…making my whole house smell like pumpkin pie spice goodness:

Happy Thanksgiving, y’all!

For When the Words Don’t Come

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I sit and stare at a blank screen, distraction free, all white space except for the two light gray words in the bottom right hand corner encouraging me to “just write.”

I have thoughts and ideas suitable for full-length and substantial posts.

But the words just don’t come.

Moving from thoughts and ideas to coherent and well-written sentences seems impossible, burdensome, heavy.

I love the process of writing. The release that it brings. I enjoy the experience of blogging.

But I feel weighed down by the practical issues and responsibilities of life this side of the computer screen. Somehow unable to reawaken the creative energy necessary to keep going, to press on, to continue when the blank screen stares back.

I have even uttered five of the saddest words to my soul, “I want to quit blogging.”

But I don’t really want to quit. I simply feel uninspired, unmotivated and exhausted. I’m in a lull of sorts.

And while picking up and heading to the beach – allowing the expanse of the ocean, the peacefulness of the shore to restore my perspective – sounds close to the perfect solution, that is simply not a possibility at the moment.

One of my dearest friends suggests that I should read. Anything. Finally taking her up on that advice, I read something relatively easy and mindless. And it feels good. Refreshing even.

Yet I still find myself coming up short in the words department.

My mom suggests that I should focus my thoughts on gratitude. So I begin a list of the small, trivial, forgotten and everyday things for which I’m grateful. I quickly list 25 items in a matter of moments.

Knowing I have been blessed far beyond what I deserve and saddened by the reality that I fail to acknowledge it far too often, I purposefully and intentionally seek opportunities to get out of myself. To serve others. Even when all I want to do is retreat. To fold in rather than reach out.

I take action and make commitments. Some of them relatively easy, others seemingly big and life-changing.

And I give myself a break from the guilt that so often wears me down. Of not doing enough. Of doing too much. Of lacking proper balance.

My thoughts turn to Scripture, so I read John 6:22-71.

“Jesus answered them…’Do not labor for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you. For on him God the Father has set his seal…For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to this world…I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst…It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.’”

- John 6:26, 27, 33, 35, 63 (ESV – emphasis added)

And I am reminded that Jesus is the bread of life.

When my words just. don’t. come.

His words are life.

The Most Adorable Conversation

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As I mentioned in my previous post, I had the most adorable conversation with one of the just-turned-three-year-old little guys in my preschool class on Sunday morning.

At the end of the hour, since a few of the kids had already been picked-up, my co-teacher’s husband joined us in the room, so little guy was trying to figure out who he was. Mrs. D eventually told little guy that she was the mommy and her husband was the daddy.

Little guy understood that just fine, but then he gave me a quizzical glance as if he was trying to figure out how I fit into the whole equation. He pointed to me and asked something to the effect of “With her?” that communicated quite clearly he was trying to place me as their daughter.

So after we explained to him that I have a different mommy and daddy, he looked at me and said, “Will you go home with your mommy?”

While still cleaning up blocks and train tracks, I answered him and said, “No, I don’t live with my mommy anymore.”

He looked confused for a second, but then jumped right back in with the next logical (at least in his three-year-old mind) question, “Are you a mommy?”

I paused for a moment, but simply responded, “No, I’m not a mommy. It’s just me.”

And now enter the sweetest most troubled expression on little guy’s face. It was precious! He was seriously concerned that not only did I not live with my mommy, I wasn’t a mommy either.

Recognizing that explaining being single would be nearly impossible and in an attempt to ease little guy’s mind, Mrs. D asked if I was a sister to which I said, “Yep, I sure am a sister!”

Well, little guy was all shades of relieved to hear that! I mean, you could literally see the worry melt off his face as he happily returned to playing with a train and a magnifying glass until his mommy came. Ha!

So there you have it. Apparently in the preschool world, if you don’t live with your mommy and you aren’t a mommy, being a sister is just as good.

5 Things

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1. I really didn’t intend to go a full week without a blog post after the 31 Days series ended. But it did sort of wear me out. In regards to writing, I don’t think I have ever been so excited about a topic, but at the same time so utterly in-over-my-head and completely dependent on the Lord and His Word.

2. I wore red striped socks under my boots today. Usually I wear black, but they weren’t clean. Now aren’t you glad you stopped by my blog today?

3. I saw the movie “Tower Heist” with a friend on Friday night. It was pretty much hilarious. In a completely mindless and nonsensical sort of way. Perfect for a late Friday evening sort-of-on-a-whim-after-dinner kind of movie. Have you seen any good movies lately?

4. I serve with the one of the 2-year-old classes at church twice month. After playing “musical rooms” (as the coordinator put it) and sort of filling in wherever needed for the past several weeks, I was back in my regularly scheduled classroom yesterday. Well, I had the most adorable conversation with one of my just turned 3-year-old little guys! It was so sweet, it deserves its own post later this week, so stay tuned.

5. A word of encouragement:

“Then Job answered the Lord and said: ‘I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.’”

- Job 42:1-2